Jan. 22nd, 2013

sighs

Jan. 22nd, 2013 06:35 am
theelvenprince: (Default)
 I am exhausted and I am not looking forward to today. I have not finished any German homework and I have no idea if there was homework for any other class. I'm upset. I'm tired. I don't want to do this. 

If I constantly have stress over this, just the day in general, I should have choices. I need to remind myself somehow to talk to my psychologist about this. Online school would help me, a lot. I think. I just need to convince my parents. I suppose through the psychologist. 

But I'm always afraid that I don't have a good reason, you know? "What's your problem, why can't you function properly in a public education environment?" I mean I have my small problems that build up into big problems. I have anxiety, depression, and I just cannot focus. I can't do it. I don't have the energy or the drive to force myself through high school and be able to preform to their obnoxious standards. I'm terrified of other students, I'm scared of being harassed, I can't use the right bathrooms, half my teachers don't use the right pronouns, I panic at bad grades and I fucking try my hardest, you know? Okay. I try so hard at math and yet I'm still failing. I try so fucking hard. Don't they see that?

Whatever. I just want to be able to learn in a healthy, safe environment. And maybe after a year I'll go back. Maybe I just need a break, you know? I just.

Yeah. That's what I need. A break. 

theelvenprince: (Default)
I saw a ghost on the stairs,
And sheets on the tables and chairs,
The silverware swam with the sharks in the sink,
Even so, I don't know, what to think.
I've been longing for,
Daisies to push through the floor,
And I wish that plant life would grow all around me,
So I won't feel dead anymore.
So I won't feel dead anymore.

I saw a bear in the den,
Reading my textbooks again,
That bats flowed like traffic as they poured from the attic,
Heaven knows, I could really use a friend.

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest,
The trees keep the tempo and they sway in time,
Quartet of crickets chime in for the chorus,
If I were to pluck on your heartstrings, would you strum on mine?
I've been longing for,
Daisies to push through the floor,
And I wish plant life would grow all around me,
So I won't feel dead anymore.
So I won't feel dead anymore.

Your spirit is sweet, so pull off your sheet,
And give me a ghost of a smile,
Show me your teeth, 'cause you're teddy beneath,
So just grin and bear it a while.
Just grin and bear it a while.

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest,
The trees keep the tempo and they sway in time,
Quartet of crickets chime in for the chorus,
If I were to pluck on your heartstrings, would you strum on mine?

Today I'm busting out,
Of this old haunted house,
'Cause I'm sick of waiting for,
All the spider webs to grow all around me,
'Cause I don't feel dead anymore.
And I'm not afraid anymore.

I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest,
The trees keep the tempo and they sway in time,
Quartet of crickets chime in for the chorus,
If I were to pluck on your heartstrings, would you strum on mine?
If I were to pluck on your heartstrings, would you strum on mine?

oh my god

Jan. 22nd, 2013 05:06 pm
theelvenprince: (Default)
 I dunno but I just really love my partner, I'm just saying.
theelvenprince: (Default)
tw: self hate, body talk, gore?

i hate this so much i hate being fictive i hate it 
i hate that i have to deal with this i hate that im not taken seriously 
i like dream width but tumblr is where my friends are and its nicer i like the pictures and yeah
but people are such assholes im so upset

i dont know im dysphoric i miss home i miss it so badly
i have that feeling in my chest and it crawls down my spine and it's such a bad feeling the homesickness

it's like 
i dont know its a little creature full of everything i love and it lives in my chest and it sleeps most of the time but sometimes i accidentally wake it up and it scratches at my chest and it claws at my heart and it writhes under my skin and it just makes me feel like shit whenever it wakes

im so angry im so upset i want to go home

guh

Jan. 22nd, 2013 07:19 pm
theelvenprince: (Default)
I feel kind of sick, I have a headache and stuff. 

I want to play Skyrim but I have a feeling the Step-Brother would come downstairs and watch me play and I just don't want that to happen. I don't know what his deal is but he likes watching me play. (He is only 11 but he's such a little smart ass.) I always feel the need to be more violent in the game when he's watching me, when I just want to travel the forests and the waters. I only kill in the game if I have to. I had traveled up a mountain on the opposite side of the river and Whiterun and it was really pretty. However I ran into some Necromancer and a Black Mage and I had to kill both of them, but I did get some cool cloaks out of it. They were trying to kill me what was I supposed to do...

The only problem I have is that it takes forever to start up a new character. I have to do this and that and follow him and go through this tunnel I dunno it's just a lot of shit that I don't wanna do. Maybe I can just run ahead of him I don't even care. 

Then again maybe I don't want to play Skyrim. 

What's with the change of mind so quickly, I don't know. I just want to do something I want to go somewhere but I also want to stay home and talk to Vader. 

theelvenprince: (Default)
 i'm so glad you're mine

Mae govannen

theelvenprince: (Default)
theelvenprince

March 2013

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"Cuamin linduva yassen megrille."