sighs

Jan. 22nd, 2013 06:35 am
theelvenprince: (Default)
[personal profile] theelvenprince
 I am exhausted and I am not looking forward to today. I have not finished any German homework and I have no idea if there was homework for any other class. I'm upset. I'm tired. I don't want to do this. 

If I constantly have stress over this, just the day in general, I should have choices. I need to remind myself somehow to talk to my psychologist about this. Online school would help me, a lot. I think. I just need to convince my parents. I suppose through the psychologist. 

But I'm always afraid that I don't have a good reason, you know? "What's your problem, why can't you function properly in a public education environment?" I mean I have my small problems that build up into big problems. I have anxiety, depression, and I just cannot focus. I can't do it. I don't have the energy or the drive to force myself through high school and be able to preform to their obnoxious standards. I'm terrified of other students, I'm scared of being harassed, I can't use the right bathrooms, half my teachers don't use the right pronouns, I panic at bad grades and I fucking try my hardest, you know? Okay. I try so hard at math and yet I'm still failing. I try so fucking hard. Don't they see that?

Whatever. I just want to be able to learn in a healthy, safe environment. And maybe after a year I'll go back. Maybe I just need a break, you know? I just.

Yeah. That's what I need. A break. 

Date: 2013-01-22 01:37 pm (UTC)
equationhouse: - (all - birch rows)
From: [personal profile] equationhouse
Online classes have a lot of benefits, besides simply being less anxiety-inducing. But honestly, we know a lot of people with school anxiety, and it is a real struggle, and not your fault. It's not because you have "a problem," it's because there's a challenge you're having to face and right now it doesn't seem like a good or doable idea. I know someone you just met saying that might not help so much, but this is coming from a group who is on anxiety medication and has had some really bad panic attacks at school, over school. :/

I'm sorry you're having to deal with pronoun and other gender-related stuff. That in itself is a nightmare to go through, especially without proper support in the school environment -- which, let's face it, there rarely ever is.

Do you get a spring break period, at the very least?

- Sam

Mae govannen

theelvenprince: (Default)
theelvenprince

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